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life was easier when clothes didn't have to match and boys had cooties
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28th-Jun-2010 01:02 am - reflection-ish..
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I am now officially 25 and my day was...fun and filled with things to do..but none of it was really "specially for me"... hmmm...while i was home helping my mom prepare soybeans to be cooked...I was reflecting on my brithday last year...I came home and saw a big *SOMETHING* scurrying under my bed in Beijing...(i slept on the couch that night...) and while i went into the kitchen for my nightly glass of water i killed 2 cockroaches on the counter. Now if you know me...you will know that there is absolutely nothing that scares me more than that..*shudder*

i dont' really know why i did what i did next...maybe just out of stupid curiousity? I opened the door AGAIN to the kitchen and saw ANOTHER cockroach...as we stared at each other for awhile...it decided to take the first move and run TOWARDS me. In an almost MATRIX like move, I jumped really high from a crouched position from the door to the middle of the kitchen, slamming my slipper down in the ground where i hoped the last cockroach was...*SUCCESS*!!!!!!!

now i feel like not having such an exciting birthday was alright. :P

Thank you all for your birthday wishes! it was a nice reminder of what today was...xD hahaha.
16th-Dec-2009 07:17 pm(no subject)
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I have WAY too many uncertainties in my life right now. xP it is incredibly frustrating.
18th-Nov-2009 08:12 am - How much I wish I could remember...
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As hard as it gets or as impatient as I can be...i just have to keep reminding myself...

He would NEVER withhold ANYTHING good from us.
22nd-Aug-2009 12:24 pm(no subject)
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sigh..i am really....retarded.

i honestly don't know what to do w/ myself when i don't have anything planned. its VERY lame... x( :p very very very lame.
14th-Jul-2009 05:04 am(no subject)
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I'm finding that cellphones ringing during meetings...and CONTINUING to ring AFTER you've picked up the phone and are still trying to decide whether or not you want to pick it up...really gets on my nerves...
11th-Jul-2009 01:04 pm(no subject)
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there is a random thunder/lightning storm in beijing right now...but no rain...very very strange./...i think that it is the first i've ever been in..

/edit/ nevermind...it just poured rain.. :P haha. i stand corrected.. :)
19th-May-2009 02:34 pm(no subject)
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God’s economy is His plan and arrangement to dispense Himself into us in His divine Trinity to make us His corporate expression. The center of this is dispensing.

But the dispensing is always according to a plan and an arrangement.

And the principle is that if you don’t accept the arrangement, you don’t get the dispensing.

Brother Ron gave the illustration of the Lord’s feeding five-thousand men plus women and children. There could’ve been more than 10 or 12,000 people. They were hungry. The Lord would not send them away empty. His intention was to feed them, which is dispensing.

So He first made an arrangement.

There was an arrangement concerning the five loaves and the two fishes, which He took, broke, and looked to the Father for blessing. But through the apostles, He arranged the multitude into groups and had them sit down on the grass (Matt 14).

The Lord didn’t throw the bread crumbs and fish to the crowd. They weren’t allowed to rush in, trample on one another.

Maybe you don't like the people in your group.

Maybe you don't like to sit down on the grass.

Maybe you don't like fish.

Fine, you don’t get any food.

He does not come to feed us directly in this sense. He’s gonna give the bread and fishes to twelve rather young men. You may say "I prefer John." Then there comes Judas.

The arrangement is that you will be in a group, and the arrangement is that the Lord will supply you through a particular person.

If you accept the arrangement, you get the dispensing. 


Of course this is not easy.

We do not know what a day may bring. We do not know how we we'll react to whatever happens to us. But we can practice this one thing. Everyday we can pray in the morning, "Lord, please supply me with today's portion of Your all sufficient grace." Then this grace enables us to accept all the arrangement, and this grace becomes the element dispensed into us, making us one with the Lord, causing us to enjoy the Lord.

19th-May-2009 02:24 pm(no subject)
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For I know that for me this will turn out to salvation through your petition and the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I will be put to shame, but with all boldness, as always, even now Christ will be magnified in my body, whether through life or through death. For to me, to live is Christ…
Philippians 1:19-21
And to enlighten all that they may see what the economy of the mystery is, which throughout the ages has been hidden in God, who created all things.
Ephesians 3:9
According to the book of James, a Christian is perfected by self-effort, self-cultivation, self-improvement and results in an individual pious life on earth. This is not wrong, but it is a shallow, religious view of Christianity. There is much more! According to the rest of the New Testament, genuine Christian perfection is for living and magnifying Christ to build up His Body and to attain it is not anything of us but totally of Him--Christ is the means and the way and the end result of a genuine Christian life.
Most people, when they hear the gospel they think, “Oh good. Now Jesus will help me behave.” If you want something from Him (perfection, wisdom, etc.) then you are another religious James. (Oh, nooooo!!!!! ßme lamenting because I am religious...)
We may have a thought—“Ok, I’ve got to be a good Christian. Got to stop drinking, smoking, etc.” Or say, you were born quiet; will transformation (God being added into you) solve any of this? What do you rely on? What do you expect? What do you go to for help? What is your source? Is the answer to any of those questions the processed and consummated God? If you are able to stop drinking, smoking, is this really a sign that you’ve grown/had more Christ added into you? Maybe you just cultivated your will to do it. Eventually, you may say “I can’t do it. I can’t be this. I quit.” Or, you may say, “I can’t do it! What do I do??”
STOP! Stop your thoughts! You must see the facts! That you’re one with and mingled with the consummated, compounded, all-inclusive, life giving, indwelling, 7-fold intensified spirit! Turn and enjoy this spirit! Eat the Lord! Don’t pray for strength, don’t pray for help. Pray to enjoy Him. Get out your Bible and pray-read. If you go by this, the change may be very slow. It may take years to realize who and what you are and who and what you need. Maybe this won’t help today, but in a year or maybe 10 years from now something will come out.
When you remain in your spirit, He is becoming your very fiber but not overnight. This is the way of life. Growth in life takes time. Stay in your spirit. You will get worse before you get better but don’t be discouraged. When you transfer from religion to God’s economy, you will begin to have failures. But remember, failures don’t matter, mistakes don’t matter; they only open us for more mingling, dispensing, and growing by enjoying Him in your spirit. Failures are ways to practice going back to God to eat Him.
Practice the vision. See that you have Him inside you, moving, making home in you. Realize that you have died with Christ. You are in Christ and are one spirit with the Lord. You have overcome, you have resurrected, you are in the Body, in the heavens!!!! Even though this will be tested, practice this vision and keep it. Stay on the line for the rest of your life. Draw on Him as your source. If you go back to self-cultivation, you may get quick success. But realize that for the Body of Christ, a mountain of gold (which typifies God) is what matters and not a mountain of effort. This is the rest of my life—paying the price to buy gold. This is Christ being built in us—His element added into our being.


Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun in you a good work will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus
Philippians 1: 6
Well, a sister over at the Kangs, asked me how I came into the church life and a little about how my dad feels about my being in the church life, and as I shared with her a little of my testimony, inside I just realized how real the Lord and the church life has been to me. I just felt the Lord reconfirming that since even before I was born He was concerned for and taking care of my every breath, and the last ten years have all been under His loving care and supervision. However frustrating and unfulfilling my life may feel to me right now, the Lord is taking care of me. I was reminded of the story of the children of Israel in the book of Esther. God may not appear so outwardly and obviously as in other books, but he is the hiding God caring for His people in a hidden, secret, loving, tender way. And once again, like it says in Philippians 1: 6, we can trust in this, because we can trust that He is the faithful God.
5th-May-2009 03:25 am - wooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww
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"The Lord is after something in us no matter what we're going through. We just need to be open to Him as a vessel so that He can dispense Himself into that part of us that was previously closed. Being open doesn't mean that you're happy to do what is asked of you or that you're happy about the situation. Being open is having no emotion either way, no matter what the outcome."

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